By: Emily Byers

Saturday, July 31, 2010

So Long Summer, It's Dolphin Season!

Miami Dolphins training camp opened today under sunny skies as crowds of orange and aqua packed in to Nova Southeastern University to get a look at the 2010 Dolphins.  Coach Sporano, looking pounds lighter and vigorous in the sun, called orders from the center of the field before heading off to work with the O-line.

The obvious draw was new wide receiver Brandon Marshall, standing at an impressive 6-4, 230 lbs.  How someone that big can be fast is proof that all men are not created equal.  He and the other wide receivers ran drills that included stopping on a dime...which meant balancing like a drunken crane for several moments after the stop.  He seemed in good spirits and joked around with Bess and Camarillo while catching passes from the football launching machine.  (most awesome machine ever!)

Ricky Williams and Ronnie Brown threw the football around in the endzone for most of practice.  They seemed to be having a great time tossing the ball back and forth like old friends. I'm not sure why they were playing catch...they aren't wide receivers or quarterbacks, and the other running backs were in their group doing drills, but it was still nice to see the stars out and about. 

The Dolphins have a tough schedule beginning with a home opener against the Jets.  If last season was any indication, the problem the Dolphins face isn't so much a competitive division and tough schedule, but an inability on the part of the offense and defense to work together to close out games.  Under today's sunshine the sins of last season were forgiven and all is shiny and new.

Friday, July 30, 2010

Mascots in Need of a Makeover

Some NFL mascots are in serious need of a makeover.  The purpose of a mascot is to rile up the crowd, enchant the young fans, and act a clown, only without the creepy sadness factor.  Some mascots perform admirably.  TD, the Miami Dolphin, does a remarkable job for a fish of questionable masculinity in an aqua jersey.  Both the Dallas Cowboys and the New England Patriots have mascots that are essentially bobble head dolls of the printed mascot.  They are recognizable and beloved as larger than life representations of the team.  The big, blue Buffalo Bill has a costume so awesome I want him at all of my parties.  Now on the failures of the mascot world:

1. Baltimore Ravens - named Edgar, Allen, and Poe...the Baltimore Ravens are a rip off of Heckle and Jeckle.  In addition, what young child wants their picture taken with three scary birds???  When I was a little girl I wouldn't even go near a man with a mustache!  It's not just that I personally hate birds that is clouding my judgement; I bear the Seattle Seahawk no ill will.

2.  Jacksonville Jaguar - Jaxson de Ville is a cat.  How simple and elegant to achieve, an unsuspecting person might think.  The Carolina Panther (though lamely named Sir Purr) is a sleek black feline with a volumous roar.  Jaxson de Ville looks like he may have eaten more than his share of paste back in primary school.  Pot-bellied, wearing sunglasses at night, and sporting spots on his coat that are remniscent of leprosy, one must infer that the designer of this costume knew his department was being downsized and wanted revenge.

3. Tennessee Titans - The mascot is a RACCOON.  Get it, it's a metaphor!  (stop thinking, it's not a metaphor)  It's bizzarre is what it is.  Moral of the story, don't name your team something you can't portray as an overgrown stuffed animal.  It's just unsportsmanlike.

What I have I missed?  Please leave comments about the best and worst of football mascots.

Sunday, July 25, 2010

"Show Me" T.O.

Loyal readers, I must confess.  My integrity as a writer has been compromised by summer television.  You see, in the absense of football, sitcoms, or even Christmas cartoon specials, I have become addicted to Vh-1 reality shows...both "The Ultimate Catch" with Chad Ochocinco and "The T.O. Show."  And it's not just that I'm watching the shows...but this mid-summer heat has melted my brain and heart into steaming puddles that now sympathize with T.O.'s plight and hope he lands on a team this year.  He just seems so sad.

Rumors of a possible deal with St. Louis make me think contradictory thoughts.  First, why does the St. Louis Rams front office hate their fans?  But also, why not take a chance on T.O.?  In a division where teams compete tooth and nail to see who can be king of the Losers (and perennial sacrificial lamb in the playoffs) T.O. might elevate St. Louis from playing its roll as stooge of the division.

Let's look at the evidence against him.  First, he was distracting in San Francisco, Philadelphia, and Dallas.  Since he wasn't pushing forty at the time, let's throw out San Francisco.  Maybe he thought "outing" Jeff Garcia would be popular with the San Francisco fan base.  Garcia sure didn't think so.  In Philadelphia he risked his own health to play in a superbowl...then spent the remainder of his tenure there reminding everyone about it.   Maybe T.O. is a prophet and he knew one day the Eagles would stoop to the ultimate low of signing Puppy Killer and Sociopath Michael Vick.  He was only trying to warn the Eagles that they were on a path to destruction....like the Bible says "Someone is shouting in the desert!"  Finally T.O. ruined a great deal in Dallas by becoming locker room poison.  To be fair, it isn't easy to watch your ex-bff move on so quickly after you split.  Romo and Witten didn't have to exchange friendship bracelets right in front of T.O.'s locker.

The next damning piece of evidence is his poor performance in Buffalo.  St. Louis, however, isn't frigid from late September on.  Its climate controlled stadium might be friendlier to the veteran receiver.  When running with the grain of the turf it is actually faster than running on grass.  Click on the link for an informative article on astroturf.  If one is worried about T.O. poisoning the locker room, they only need to remember the 1-15 record last year.  I imagine the locker room literally contained poison for grown men to play so badly.  Also, if T.O.'s mouth is that big a deal put a "no talk" clause in his contract.  Every time he speaks in the locker room he forfeits his salary that week. 

Thursday, July 15, 2010

2014: The Year of the Frostbite

Some people love cold weather football.  Images of obese men wearing nothing but body paint and a tinsel wig in thirty degree weather come to mind.  Freshly laid strips of sod decay into brown mud holes more remniscent of Woodstock than an arena...or as the Steelers call this, "December football." 

I am not one of these people.  When the superbowl of 2014 comes I will take a play from the book of Jimmy Johnson and grill out in the back yard while thousands freeze in the Meadowlands.  Should New York be allowed to host an outdoor superbowl?

Advocates pointed out that thousands flock to Rockefeller center and Times Square during the frigid Christmas/New Years season.  Others pointed out that playoff games go on in areas such as Green Bay through January and everyone is fine.  Still another group cried that no one produces a spectacle like New York and that this game could attract even more global attention.  But will the festivities be ruined if the game is compromised due to weather?

Everyone has seen games played in the Northern states suffer due to weather.  Field goals can't be kicked.  First down markers are covered with snow.  Part of the New York (really New Jersey) proposal included an estimate on how many people could stand by with shovels to dig out the field.  Snow or no snow, the likelihood of a shoot out like the last superbowl seems unlikely.  Does it matter?

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

How not to be a NY Jets fan

DGPCEN6AMT6N

This article is on elevator etiquette.  Let me preface by saying I am not bashing the misguided Jets fans I met in the elevator this weekend simply because they are obnoxious yankee scum.  I myself am guilty of carpetbagging into the great state of Florida.  No, this article is to inform the reader about how to either a) back up your team with facts rather than bluster or b) talk to a pretty girl without sounding like a complete a**hole.

First off, when you enter the elevator of a foreign city and see a young woman wearing a t-shirt with the mascot of the home team, it is not polite to sneer "You're ACTUALLY a Panthers fan???" while staring at her chest.  Yes, I know the Panthers have endured more trials than Hercules.  I know our best chance at a winning season this year is probably a cancelled season due to a massive military invasion...but that is the HOME TEAM, so it is not unusual to see its logo on occasion.

Without missing a beat I inquired "So are you from New York or New Jersey?"  It's not that people from New York and New Jersey are bad people...it's just that they're often Giants or Jets fans, which makes them arrogant for reasons that seem to have nothing to do with their seldom winning of their own divisions.  A non Giants/Jets fan would have begun with "So you like football?"  Also, they had ridiculously spiky, big hair.  I just knew.

For a reason I have yet to pinpoint, I also responded that I have season tickets to the Miami Dolphins.  "GOOD LUCK PLAYING THE JETS" they guffawed.  Yep, Jets.  I should have known better than to acknowledge them.  It probably doesn't matter that the Dolphins beat the Jets twice last year.  And yes, I'm jealous that the Jets made offseason moves to improve the team, instead of dumping everyone over thirty like a man with a midlife crisis.  But really...an over thirty, injury prone running back and a receiver who is suspended for four games does not the dream team of football make.  Instead of arguing, I politely asked "Do you think Sanchez can pull it together this year?"

(Arrogant, too-many-appletinis-before-noon laugh here)  "Well he did it last year!!!"  Umm...the Patriots won the division.  Yes, the Jets went to the AFC championship game on defense and the legs of Thomas Jones, who no longer wears green and white.  However, this is football and everyone knows almost doesn't count.  Ask Jake Delhomme after the playoff game with Arizona in 2008.

At this point I decided to get off on a floor five levels above my room.  Not only is taking the stairs a great form of exercise, but I was afraid "idiot fever" might be contagious.  Also, I hesitated to retort in fear that these deplorable gentlemen would be guests at my sister's wedding that evening...and the maid of honor is not supposed to tackle people by the mashed potato bar. 

As the doors opened I departed to the chant of "J-E-T-S"...to which my mind supplied the response "Suck Suck Suck."  Don't be like Jets fans.  An oversupply of hubris and appletinis is no way for a grown man to go through life.

Friday, July 2, 2010

Why the World Cup is no substitute for football

In theory I am a huge fan of soccer.  It seems to be a uniting sport that can be played on fields in the most impoverished areas.  It's not, really.  As in other sports, the biggest wealthiest countries typically win.  The wealthiest countries in South America are the real contenders, as are the countries of Western Europe.  One might argue that the USA is the wealthiest country, but soccer isn't catching on as quickly as people anticipated ten years ago.

My own inability to get through these games without a litany of complaints proved to me once and for all that soccer has fundamental problems.  Most obviously, its ability to end in a tie.  While I'm all for tie scores in tee ball for the eight-to-ten set, tying in a bracketed competition seems flawed.  Furthermore, the idea of watching a game for ninety minutes end in a 0-0 tie makes me understand rioting on a whole new level.

Second, soccer has no incremental progress.  Though football can potentially be a low scoring game, the ability to measure progress in ten yard increments allows the viewer to celebrate milestones short of actual points scored.

Stoppage time is one of the most ridiculous things I have ever witnessed.  If a player is truly hurt then stop the clock.  If he is flopping, eject him.  It is unsatisfying to see teams in their "two minute drill" only to find out after the game that another three minutes will be played, and not even counted down at that.

Third, and most insulting for the American democratic tradition, is the ultimate power wielded by referees.  Without instant replay or coaches' challenges, it is entirely up to the referee to make judgement calls in the heat of the moment.  That I can accept.  However, after the game the referee makes no effort to justify his calls, and in these games when the referees confer following a bad call, they do not change it.

It is great to see the spotlight on Africa and unfortunate that Ghana could not advance, but it is obvious that people who advocate soccer as the greatest sport have never experienced the drama, melee, and excrusiating "game of inches" that is football.

Thursday, March 25, 2010

3 reasons Jon Beason is better than Ray Lewis

1) The numbers:  In the last three years Beason has posted the following tackles:  140, 132, 142 to Ray Lewis' 134, 117, 120.  Add to that the fact that Beason's "assists" in his tackles were 34, 28, 20 which means he is receiving help a marginal amount of the time.  Ray Lewis' assists come out to: 32, 39, and 38...the numbers don't look that much different, but it means Lewis is being assisted in 29% of tackles compared to Beason's 23%.

2) Personal Lives:  While the charges were dropped in Jon Beason's aggravated assault case due to lack of evidence... Ray Lewis was able to plead down two counts of malicious murder and two counts of felony murder by turning state's witness against two of his friends.  He ended up with an obstruction of justice conviction and a year of probation....after he purchased knives in which two men were stabbed when his entourage collided with that of rapper Chino Nino. 

3) Ray Lewis plays for the Balitmore Ravens...who used to be the most boring team to watch in all of football.  Their ability not to score (or allow scoring) used to make Ice Dancing seem like an interesting sport in comparison.  Fortunately the new coach seems to be aware that wide receiver is a position in football, so we'll see.

Don't get me wrong.  I love Ray Lewis.  He helped invent swagger.  However, it's time for Jon Beason to get the respect he deserves as the new best thing at Middle Line Backer.

Brain Damage

Coming out of the meetings in Orlando this week the NFL has decided to set up five stations for neurological health care for former NFL players.  The centers will be modeled after trauma centers the military uses to help returning vets.  Locations include St. Louis, Los Angeles, and Atlanta to name a few.

This is such an important issue because the effects of professional football on neurological decay haven't been properly studied.  We can see from the number of injuries that football hurts.  These centers are finally stepping in to address the sort of hurt that can't be seen....such as when a former player can't find their car or remember the names of loved ones.

The NFL players union is not involved in the creation of these centers at the current time, nor have they commented on whether this is a response to public comments made by former players who feel the NFL has done too little to care for former players. 

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Belichick's Scheme

The evil empire has made some unusual moves this week by releasing two tight ends.  A peek at their website explains that tight ends aren't an integral part of Belichick's scheme (unlike videotaping and making bogus 4th down decisions) and don't pose a real loss for the team.

Perhaps not, but the Patriots have really leaned on veteran leadership these last several years and one can't help but wonder if they will come up high and dry.  They resigned Kevin Faulk, rookie season 1999, to a one year deal worth up to three million dollars.  Last season he averaged 5.9 yards a carry.  He's old but still doing a fine job.  He's a fan favorite and happy to spend his entire career with one team, so the Patriots agreed to a short deal.  (see, Carolina?)

So far the running game does not appear to be part of "Belichick's scheme" either.  The starting running back, Lawrence Maroney, posted only 750 yards last season and averaged barely over three yards per carry.  When you have golden boy Tom Brady it doesn't matter, right?  Well.... Randy Moss managed to catch for over 1200 yards last year and still feel like a no show.  In the big games he was missing in action and was criticized by Carolina safety Chris Harris for giving up on his routes in their matchup.  He is 33 years old and was clearly not Brady's go-to guy in the receiver corps.

Wes Welker got the job of Brady's BFF and handled it ably....except now Welker will be missing the start of the season due to a torn ACL and MCL - AND is having surgery on a torn rotator cuff sometime soon. 

This must be some scheme...

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Courting Day - Declare your intentions?

Someone please tell me what's going on with Brandon Marshall and the Denver Broncos.  Denver is still enamored with the resident bad boy, apparently believing they can change him.  A first round tender was issued on his behalf, with Denver reserving the right to match any offer he's given within seven days.  It's hard to believe Denver would really want the first round pick instead of the productive receiver unless they are trying to negotiate a trade.  It's time for an intervention:  McDaniels loves Marshall when the going is good, but as for the ball club:  THEY'RE JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Free Agents of Evil

Julius Peppers deserves to have him arm ripped off and be beaten with it.  With the Philadelphia Beagles on his "short list," one can only hope he is truly committed to being the kind of deplorable human being that would do the Eagles proud and win an award for character in the style of Michael Vick.  (who according to reports will not be traded at least until after the preseason.) 

Other top name prospects include Ladanian Tomlinson (over 30 and prone to air the dirty laundry of the ball club) and Brian Westbrook, who went from the number 3 fantasy pick last year to a non-factor in the 2009 season.  Both players would be huge assets to struggling teams such as Kansas City, Buffalo, Detroit, or Seattle.  Whether big name players used to the playoffs would go to these teams is another story.  Also, would they be willing to be part of the trendy tandem-back offense of a place such as Washington or New York (Giants) after having been the brightest star in the galaxy for so long?  One thing's for sure:  I'd hate to be the number one fantasy pick next year.

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Money Money Money Money

March 5th is coming up as opening day for the non salary capped season.  Will this be the undoing of football?  Not likely.  Sports fans are notoriously forgiving when it's convenient for them - just ask the Philadelphia Beagles.  The changes will include dropping the maximum and minimum spending guidelines.  This could be bad news for small market teams such as Jacksonville and Cinncinati if they aren't willing to spend the money.

The other big change is that players who used to be unrestricted free agents after four years become restricted free agents until their sixth season.  Basically this means as a restricted free agent the player first receives a starting bid from his current team.  He then has a limited time to shop himself around and collect offer sheets.  The offer sheets tell what the salary offer is and what the team is willing to trade, usually draft picks, in exchange for the player.  The current team then has a "first right of refusal," meaning they pay the higher amount but don't let the other team have him, or they agree to the offer sheet and the player walks away.  All in all this change is slapping the restricted tag on 212 players who would have otherwise been restricted.

The constraint that I like is that the eight teams to make the divisional playoffs cannot add any free agents unless they lose them.  It's one-in-one-out.  And....it must be a relatively equal money deal.  A punter can't leave as a free agent for minimum salary and be replaced with Julius Peppers.  The rules are a little less stringent on the teams who didn't go to the championships, but they are still restrictive and that makes me glad.  Who wants to see the same teams win year after year?  (I, for one, look forward to seeing New Orleans become the .500 team they are again next year)

In the end, the younger players are getting jipped out of controlling their own destiny.  Certainly teams with big ego owners will go after a few glitzy players just so they can see their faces on summer's monotonous 24 hour news.  These acquisitions don't usually pan out anyway.  (Sorry Jason Taylor)  I'm sure if there's some way to take advantage of it Jerry Jones will try. 

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Can Mike Shanahan Save the Washington Redskins?

     Never has the adage been more poignant that "money can't buy you love" than with the Washington Redskins.  Though wealthy and well connected, the Redskins are neither respected nor powerful.  ESPN jokes that the owner thinks he is assembling a fantasy football team, and it's almost so true as not to be funny.

     Can Mike Shanahan save the Washington Redskins?  Short answer: "yes" with an if; long answer "no" with a but.  It won't be hard to improve on last season's dismal 4-12 record.  The formula seems so simple.  In a division with two teams who live and die by airing out the ball (Cowboys and Eagles) Mike Shanahan's coaching style seems a perfect countermeasure.  Running the ball will keep time of possession away from the big armed quarterbacks.  Shanahan has also been promoted to Vice President of Operations, which gives him control of personnel.  If he can assemble a good defense - not Albert Haynesworth, DeAngelo Hall, and nine guys who don't play as a unit- then he can force the turnovers necessary for clock domination to create wins.

    In the last five years Washington's best record has been a 10-6 finish in 2005.  The Redskins shouldn't hope to finish any higher.  They aren't Superbowl material because they can't build up the confidence to go on a "hot streak" and their wins seem coincidental at best.  They have serious issues at quarterback.  The best running teams in the league right now are going to a tandem back system and Clinton Portis simply isn't explosive enough to build a running team around.  The defense collapsed in game after game this year and the secondary fell apart in a big way.  These changes will take time to correct, and I'm talking years, not months.

     That said, Washington's best chance for a playoff berth is this year.  The newness of the superstar coach may elevate the players to play beyond themselves and create a little swagger.  Dallas, Philadelphia, and the Giants are not infallible teams and a few strong defensive plays early in the games could certainly allow Washington to walk away with several wins.

    I hope they capitalize on the opportunity to buoy themselves this year.  For in the end this is still Washington and the emperor is wearing no clothes.

Sunday, February 7, 2010

Ups and Downs

I'd like to take a moment for self-reflection on the night of the Superbowl.  The events of the 2009 season have caused several changes in my heart that I would like to address.

People I used to love and now can't stand:

1. Tony Dungy:  Dungy preaches redemption in one breath and becomes a mouthy tv commentator in the next.    Truthfully, what I don't like is that Dungy uses his ethos to elevate Michael Vick and make me seem un-Christian for saying he's a serial killer who deserves no second chance.  (Actually it would be the 152nd chance if you want to count each murdered puppy as a chance)  Dungy isn't Jesus and I'm right about Vick.

2.  Troy Aikman:  Aikman is not the least attractive of the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders.  His allegiance, however, has made him blind to his duties as an announcer.  I used to like Aikman as a nicer and more masculine foil to Joe Buck, but he doesn't seem to notice when the other team is playing in the game.  If you just want to go to the games and cheer, buy a ticket, Troy.

3. Roger Goodell:  Lifting Michael Vick's suspension early was in bad taste.  His punishments are inconsistent and he's backed off of being the strong hand the league really needed to turn around.

People I used to hate and now like ok (Love is such a strong word)

1. Ray Lewis:  I always thought he was scary and a bit evil.  Then I watched the ESPN documentary "It's all about the U" and I realized this was merely the physical representation of that thing called "swagger."  I also like that as a de facto coach Lewis seems to really care about his team.

2. Jon Gruden:  I thought he was foul tempered and obnoxious as the coach of Tampa Bay.  It's no coincidence that my softening toward him came on the wake of the probowl announcements when Gruden called Deangelo Williams "one of the best players he's ever seen."  Gruden has also become a soft spoken, intelligent anchor of Monday Night Football.  Lastly, Gruden's firing left Tampa Bay with a 3-13 record that could tickle any rival fan pink.

3. Bill Parcels:  He has been silent during his tenure in Miami and brought in Tony Sparano, who has a ties-to-the-mob thing going on.

People I was always right about:

1. Steve Young - powered on the sound of his own voice, Steve Young is over caffeinated and overbearing.

People I was wrong about:

1. Unfortunately, Jason Campbell.  I really wanted you to be good, sweetheart.

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Adieu Joey Porter?

The blogosphere hive is swarming with the 99.9 % (according to the Florida Sun-Sentinel) chance that Joey Porter will be cut before the March 4th deadline.  Is Miami in danger of losing the baddest, loudest mouth on the east coast since T.O. fell into the abyss that is Buffalo? 

Now that several seasons have passed since Joey was a Steeler, the prevailing opinion is that Mike Tomlin cut him due to his attitude and not because of concerns about his injuries.  He came to Miami to become an anchor to a team in desperate need of some attitude and spunk.  Sometimes he was fun.  Calling the Patriots cheaters and promising to decapitate Brady made football fun and gave the Fins much needed airtime.  Sometimes it was humiliating....such as when he called out the Pats and then failed to register a single tackle all afternoon.

Mostly this past year he has just been silent.  Blame the defensive scheme if you want, but Mr. Porter has been more of an honorary captain this year than a football player.  He is angry about losing his double locker and locker room dominoes game.  I'm sure Parcells is angry that Porter refused to come off the field on third down situations and had to be benched for making the team look foolish due to his aforementioned boasts in the direction of AFC rivals. 

Porter is 33 and not really doing his job.  As a captain, he presided over a defense with abyssmal records against tight ends and did not lend much support to a young and untested secondary.  His refusal to come off the field cost Jason Taylor his chance at a great homecoming.  So what's the debate?

The players love Joey.  His fire and bravado have inspired them in times of uncertainty.  Weak coaching in the past and the loss of confidence after a 1-16 season were supplemented by the strength and confidence of number 55.  The fans love Joey.  He is the big, mean, dangerous beast we are enthralled by as couch potato fans.  Adding Joey to the equation gives it a heightened element of danger.  Does Parcells think these intangibles are worth the 1.5 million dollar roster bonus he's due in March?  Probably not.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Mamas don't let your babies grow up to be Cowboys

                                                              DGPCEN6AMT6N For most of my life it seemed as though the whole world were full of Dallas Cowboys fans.  They multiplied like cells and formed tumors of swaggering navy blue cancer that could be seen from space.  That all changed Sunday night at the Probowl.  Though it was arguably a "home game" for the Miami Dolphins, represented by a kicker and a safety, fans were out in every color of the rainbow.  When the delegates from the Dallas Cowboys came out the entire stadium erupted into thunderous boos.  Granted, that may have been due to the predominance of Eagles and Steelers fans in the building - each person has the volume of five regular fans - but the enemy of my enemy is my friend and I will take what I can get.  The night was rainy, the festivities were lackluster, and the beer price was jacked up three dollars....but seeing America's team booed by the rest of the country made me feel like a citizen again.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Are fantasy players technofiles or gambling addicts?

     Fantasy sports have weathered the courtroom and lived to see another day.  According to the North Carolina Journal of Law and Technology, the case of Humphrey v Viacom went to federal court in New Jersey to determine whether fantasy sports constitute gambling.  The defendents sought to recover their entry fees as "gambling losses."  The court ruled that participants paid an entry fee in exchange for goods and services and were therefore not recoverable as gambling losses.

    Fantasy football began in 1962 when men associated with the Oakland Raiders were looking for something to pass the time on long road trips.  It quickly spread to the bars in Oakland where it remained a localized phenomenon until it was picked up in the internet craze.  According to the Fantasy Sports Trade Association, between fifteen and eighteen million people had a fantasy team last year.  The number of players increases roughly seven to ten percent each year.

    This is the question I pose today:  Are fantasy sports gambling?  The criteria courts have used in the past to determine gambling is to apply a standard of whether the activity is "skilled" or "unskilled."  (meaning is this truly a game of chance?)   There is an argument to be made that research and time commitments are rewarded with a prize.  I have also lost in a league to a ten year old who never changed his team and who lost interest half way through the draft.  To fill his team, we gave him every fifth player on the list and he wiped the floor with us all season.  Though people can lose or win money, they do not seem to view fantasy sports through the seedy lens of other forms of gambling.  Is it less of a sin because it occurs through the "clean" medium of a laptop instead of through a bookie's soiled hands? 

Saturday, January 30, 2010

Amateur Bowl

 This morning I got up at 7 am to drive forty-five minutes to the Probowl practices.  As Dolphins season ticket holders, we were supposed to be VIPs for this event.  If there was a VIP, it certainly wasn't me.  The players never so much as glanced in the direction of the fans, nor did they come near the stands to sign autographs.  Normally I would think this was business is usual, but didn't we vote them into the probowl???

For a paid weekend that is voted on by the fans, the players seem to be forgetting that it is time to say thank you to those of us who make them household names.  Some of the honorees are only there because of name recognition even though they had paltry seasons and should be the first to hobknob with the fans who know them.  Just ask DeAngelo Williams who missed last year's probowl even though he was the league leader in running back touchdowns.  Look me in the eyes and tell me Clinton Portis was more impressive in 2009.  I dare you.

To his credit, DeAngelo was a social butterfly running around in his red hat, and when we screamed his name he turned to the stands and waved at us.  Not as good as actually signing my jersey....but still the least reprehensible of the lot.  Another Panther who shall remain nameless (Okay, it's Julius Peppers) never once looked at the stands or picked up a pen, but he did have to show up for practice today and that must have been excrusiating. 

The players seemed calm, jovial, and thrilled to be in the warm January sun.  It was funny to see McNabb and Romo tossing the ball back and forth.  Players who had played at the University of Miami basked in the spotlight.  Some even gave genial interviews to a jolly Warren Sapp that were broadcast over the live speakers.  It was the only time we knew anyone was aware of the fans.   DGPCEN6AMT6N

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Are the Rumors of a Mcnabb Departure Just That?

      Philadelphia is as known for disgruntled fans as for cheese steaks, but they are not without their charm.  Yes, their love/hate relationship with Mcnabb borders on abusive.  Yes, they get rid of a great back up (Garcia) to overpay a man who isn't even a great human being. (Vick)  But could Philadelphia really be ready to cut ties with Mcnabb?

     According to PhillySportsBlog.com, Mcnabb threw for thirty five thousand yards last year.  I suspect he meant thirty five hundred, but with 22 touchdowns and a QB rating of over 92 you would be hard pressed to find a better quarterback anywhere else.  We all know that's not what this is about.  It's about the crushing losses to Dallas and his reputation for blowing the big games.  While they went 11-4 this year, they didn't beat even one team that made the playoffs.  Granted, Mcnabb did not play in every game thanks to an injury in week one.  There's a great article in the Dallas Star that about sums it up.   http://www.star-telegram.com/332/story/1881936.html

    Kolb's contract expires at the end of this season and logic dictates they're not going to keep Vick.  A team that is willing to make that kind of risk would have to be at their wits end.  Not only is he an ineffective passer, but he wasn't a very good citizen during his Atlanta years.  Philly has enough controversy every year with the perennial midseason meltdowns and heroic late season rallies.

    Nevertheless the buzz is out there.  Bleacherreport.com reports that young players are seeking advice from Kolb and that Philadelphia won't want to pay Mcnabb his 6.5 million dollar roster bonus in May.  They say Kolb is an able signal caller and has the respect of the team.  Now I will be the first to admit I have said some pretty terrible things about Mcnabb in the past, but I tend more toward blaming Andy Reid - who by the way was signed to a fat contract after the mid-season Atlanta win.

     For once I can't rule on this.  There seems to be so much controversy around the poor man every year that it seems all this is crying wolf once again.  What is the future of Mcnabb in Philadelphia?

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Old Soldiers Never Die...Nor Do They Ever Shut Up

So tell me honestly, folks.  If Brett Favre wins the Superbowl would he wander out into the woods and die like a good cat?  If so, I'm all for it.  As I write this the Saints / Vikings game is still tied and I am wondering which outcome would cause me the least risk of having my eyeballs permanently frozen in a rolled position.  Yes the Saints have never been to the Superbowl and the city of New Orleans could use something to renew their civic spirit.  And for a complete lunatic, Sean Payton isn't overly obnoxious or arrogant and Drew Brees is a man of few words.  (Unlike a certain whiny quarterback who doesn't want his undeserved probowl bid because he's "injured.")  That said, I'm unimpressed by Reggie Bush, the defense who shows up about as frequently as leap year, and as an NFC south rival fan, I don't want to hear how great they are the way I used to have to hear about Michael Vick.

If Favre goes to the Superbowl, at least I can have a show down of Good versus Evil.  Okay, Good versus Crotchety, Hypocritical, and a little bit senile.  The man spent the last two years ruining summer television with his Ross Perot like commitment to the game...not to mention dicking over Aaron Rodgers with his phony retirement.  Then he rewrites history to say he was a victim of age discrimination and conveniently forgets how terribly he'd played up until the last season in Green Bay.  So my question to you is this:  Which outcome will give me less Favre in the long run and who can I sacrifice to to make it happen?

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Why Dave Belknap is the Greatest Guy Who Ever Sat Behind us at a Game

Throughout the history of sporting events there has always been the misfortune of having other spectators sitting in your vicinity.  Whether it was "Too Fat and Sweaty Guy" (who needs two seats between himself and the next patron) or "Show Up in the Wrong Jersey and Cheer Obnoxiously Guy" (always a Cowboys fan)...being the presence of others can ruin an otherwise beautiful Sabbath of drinking and cheering for blood.

This all changed when we met Dave and his great family, Rosemary and Dustin.  Why can one patron make the difference, you ask?  For starters:

1) Dave is not afraid to ROCK a matching orange 80's hairdo with his son on a ninety degree day, even for the preseason.

2) Dave laughs when I joke that the starting quarterback will be bagging groceries next year...even after the prophecy is fulfilled.

3) Dave brings alternative burgers to the tailgate and points out that we're eating a beloved disney character, even though he made it delicious.

4) Dave is willing to move seats with us next year so we can be closer to the aisle seats.  THAT IS LOYALTY PEOPLE.

5) And lastly, if three starting quarterbacks go down and we are forced to bring in our last option (and I mean LAST- the next step is letting the audience participate) he will be integral in starting a section wide chant of "TYLER THIGPEN." 




Friday, January 22, 2010

Can there be a redemption of Jake Delhomme?

It's no secret that I am biased and that I desperately want the answer to be yes.  Why?  Because Jake is a great tv quarter back.  He's passionate and exaggerated without seeming entitled and sissy like a certain New England player with his own rule book.  He's also fun to watch when he can connect with his receivers and when he goes bad...you can't look away.  It's like onlooker delay at the worst accident in uptown's history.  If all this ultimately fails to stimulate, there is always the bar bet on whether this is the day Jake will finally bite off that dangling bit of tongue.

Charm and character aside, there are reasons his career may be over.  Over the last eight seasons he has an average quarterback rating of roughly 88 (not bad, but not spectacular) and he's thrown 94 interceptions to 123 touchdowns.  That may not seem dreadful, but with John Fox coaching he may not have thrown the ball more than 225 times in eight seasons.  He's thirty-five years old and we have absolutely no idea whether his surgery caused last season's meltdown.  Carolina has a good quarterback in Matt Moore who would probably produce the same stats over an eight year period and who needs the experience.

For now I will keep my Number 17 jersey on its hanger and hope that a little bit of pixie dust is all Jake needs to bounce back from a disastrous year and give us one last go round where being a Cardiac Cat is a good thing.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

And so it begins...

Already the internet is alive with fantasy predictions for the 2010 season and they couldn't be more bizarre.  The ESPN staff is already on board with their picks, though they are the only people in America who can keep their job after being less accurate than a weatherman. (who by the way, owes me fifty bucks.  I had to pick up snow gear on Canal Street after he predicted a balmy fifty degree day in NYC.)

Here's the Jist:

1) Drew Brees will go #1 at quarterback.  What a gutsy prediction!  I had Drew Brees as my quarter back two years ago, when they were a paltry 8-8, and he still averaged in the top 3 most points.  Sean Payton calls the going deep plays like Al Davis has kidnapped his daughter and only the Hail Mary can save her.  No surprises here.

2) Brandon Marshall over Desean Jackson

Now I'm no huge lover of Desean Jackson.  As a family member-to-be pointed out, he's "magnetically repelled by his own end zone."  That said, he's going to get his catches and unless the Eagles do something drastic this off season, they are in no danger of having a run game.  Brandon Marshall, on the other hand, can't seem to get a promise ring from Josh McDaniel and can't stay out of Georgia court even when playing all the way in Denver.

3) Tom Brady will throw for 32 touchdowns (according to ESPN.com) HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
   Even with the "Brady Rule" there aren't enough yellow flags in the world to put that many balls in the hands of Randy Moss.  (pun intended)  And if I'm wrong, don't bother correcting me because I will have already lain down in traffic.

I look forward to your thoughts on the first installment of a column I think I'll call "What the Professionals Said."